


P.S. Rage (Against the Machine)

by ModernArt2012



Category: Naruto
Genre: Coffee Shop Setting, Gen, Possible Arson, Prompt 16: Pumpkin Spice Rage, Pumpkin Spice Monstrosity, Sumigakure Halloween Event 2017, homicidal urges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-28 00:30:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12594020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ModernArt2012/pseuds/ModernArt2012
Summary: Kakashi was going to murder someone. Rin could tell. Rin was good at noticing things like the level of homicidal rage in her peers, especially when she was feeling it herself. And Kakashi’s was dangerously high.





	P.S. Rage (Against the Machine)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the culmination of my retail experience - I hate our store's Halloween event, in case you can't tell - and the idea of Team Minato in a Coffee Shop. 
> 
> I hc that this takes place in the same universe as You remind me of (Home) but it's not obvious, and doesn't add anything to the universe or enjoyment of the story to explicitly have it in the same universe.

Kakashi was going to murder someone. Rin could tell. Rin was good at noticing things like the level of homicidal rage in her peers, especially when she was feeling it herself. And Kakashi’s was dangerously high. She looked over the registers to where the line was snaking out the door and around the block, then at where Kakashi and Obito were measuredly mixing the Dreaded Beast. Or rather, Kakashi was mixing, Obito was calling out names and handing over beverages. 

 

Not that it was hard, making a Pumpkin Spice Monstrosity, just mind numbing and enraging. You’d end up getting into an autopilot trance and then even if the customer requested a different drink, you’d start reaching for Pumpkin Spice ingredients and have to think instead of just moving by rote. Just. Obito was better at customer service than Kakashi, and people tended to tip more when Obito handed them drinks than when Kakashi did. Really, that and Kakashi’s ability to project his complete apathy and homicidal desires even with a face mask meant he was relegated to the drinks while she carefully masked her bloodlust and Obito made sure no one tried to murder anyone. At all. Though it was cutting it closer and closer with every consecutive order as to who would break first and start ripping people to shreds. Rin hoped one of them would snap and defenestrate the District Manager, the scummy sumbitch. 

 

Really, murdering the District Manager who decided there should be a Pumpkin Spice Fest -  _ when they’re the only store in a 10 mile radius _ \- seemed like perfect karma and daydream fodder, especially given the queue. Pumpkin Spice Fest, where rewards are doubled and random prizes for purchasing a Pumpkin Spice Monstrosity Item handed out. The District Manager has the self preservation instincts of a lemming - he had yet to catch onto her ‘justifiable homicide smile’, even though  _ Obito _ had a handle on that one - and if Rin had any will to live after this shift, she would (and probably  **shall** ) gladly and cheerfully part him from his head swiftly and permanently. The thought made her smile with pleasure, and made every person in line take an unconscious step back.

 

Obito popped up in her periphery, “Rin, Rin. Breathe. Deep Breaths, come on. Innnnnnnn, and Outtttttt. Innnnnnnn, Outtttttt.” He handed her a piece of candy, lemon drop, like that was supposed to do anything, “We only have .... 5 more hours until our shift ends okay. The we can brutalize Pumpkin Spice containers in effigy.” He paused, then hissed over his shoulder, “Bakashi! Bakashi! Get your stupid ninja self over here, Rin’s gone into a homicidal rage!”

 

Right. Because embedding the smell of Pumpkin Spice in her pores for the rest of eternity via burning  will help her not reflexively desire to go into murderous fugue whenever she hears the words “Pumpkin Spice.” Or “Halloween Event”. The damned thing is cursed,  _ cursed _ she tells you. And there’s only  _ one way _ to appease whatever malevolent spirit has laid the hex -  _ blood _ . 

 

Because,  _ boy _ was this thing cursed. First it was the messed up shipment of ingredients - 20,000 gallons of Pumpkin Spice syrup, and not a single item more - then getting Winter Holiday decorations instead of the kitschy “spooky” decorations, and then having all the electronics go on the fritz at once. Including the alarm system for the store, which took even the slightest hint of smoke as a Sign of the Apocalypse, and the sound system, which was being held together by prayer, sweat, and electrical tape. If blood reparations were what were necessary for a little peace, she’ll do it. She looks Kakashi dead in the eye, and their mutually compatible levels of savage hatred for the entire stupid thing was palpable to anyone with half a lick of sense. 

 

“Rin, Rin,  _ no _ . Don’t think about it. Remember your dream! To be the greatest doctor ever! You can’t do that from prison! Bakashi,  _ Bakashi _ , don’t encourage her. What would your father say?” Obito begs them fervently. “How are either of you going to be able to help me become the Governor and reform this state from death row?”

 

It’s too late, their path is set.  _ Aut cum scuto aut in scuto _ . They shake on it with hardened resolve. The crowd seems to be shifting uneasily, about to break with the swelling tension of being denied their fix, and that means surviving until the next lull in activity. It lights a fire in her, knowing that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”Next customer in line please?” She leaves Kakashi to his portion of the plan, and keeps on pretending that she’s not developing a reflexive twitch in her eye in response to every “Pumpkin Spice” said. 

 

She’s just handed out the prize for the 300th purchase - a portable music player - when she hears Kakashi’s utterly monotone, “Oh no. The frother has gone wild.” They’re going to need to work on delivery, but it’ll do. She pretends to be horrified as she whirls around to the frother spitting hot liquid and billowing steam like a possessed tea kettle. 

 

Obito shrieks just as the alarm system goes off, “ _ Bakashi, that was our only frother!” _  Somehow he can be heard over the dulcet tones of the inclement weather siren, and the tension in the crowd breaks for the doors. Whether it’s the announcement, the siren, or the boiling splatter hitting the front row of customers, no one knows.

 

The inclement weather siren cuts off to switch over to the fire alarm, just as the last few customers stampede their way out of the building. Rin peers over the counter, and yup, there’s a fire where someone spilled their drink over the sound system wires. It’s spreading quickly. “Come on! Out the drive through window!” She vaults out, then waits patiently as Kakashi drags and shoves out Obito. Then together they pick their way over to the emergency congregation point and watch the whole place go up in flames. 

  
Obito buried his face in his hands, “Oh my Gods. Oh my  _ Gods _ . Why. Why  _ me. _ ” Rin pats him consolingly on the shoulder as she and Kakashi exchange a fist bump. It’s fine, no one can prove anything, and they don’t have to deal with the Gods Forsaken Pumpkin Spice Monstrosity for the rest of the year. Things are looking up; now just to make sure the District Manager has an accident.... 

**Author's Note:**

> "Aut cum scuto aut in scuto." is a latin phrase meaning "with shield or on shield", basically taken to mean "do or die". 
> 
> Please feel free to leave concrit! I love hearing how to improve!


End file.
